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Minty-Fresh Update!!!
November 21, 2004

"Boo, you whore!"

So. Yeah. I have it all figured out. As I'm not currently in the position I hoped I'd be in right now two years ago (this makes sense in my head) my NEW plan is this: continue school until I get at least one of my Bachelor's degrees, move to Spain, marry Alejandro Sanz (Yes, a man, because despite their deep-rooted religious culture, Spaniards aren't the Puritan-fuckwits the majority of Americans seem to be and are granting same-sex couples full equal rights), live happily ever after with handsome singer in el Barrio de Santa Cruz. Yeah. Good plan.
Above: Pathetic, unwanted girl just won't take the hints and kill herself
KNOXVILLE, Tennessee - Friends, acquaintances, and even a few perfect strangers have become extremely frustrated with Tisha Motz, 23, for not comprehending their numerous hints that she should kill herself. "Jesus! You know, if someone was constantly telling me 'I wish you would choke on your own vomit and die' I would do it. But Tish.... God! She's such a dumb bitch!" said Ashlie Tanner, 24. Tanner, a graduate student at the University of Tennessee's School of Law came to know Motz, an undeclared, undergraduate junior, during their mutual freshman year. "You know, she was like, you know, cool at first, but then she just... didn't... NOTHING! She just kind of sat around asking what I was doing and if she could join! Ugh! It only took like two weeks for me to know I wanted her dead, but I'm totally against murder and stuff. It totally sucks."

Motz, a Murfreesboro native came to school to "do something, I guess. I just kind of thought, you know, that I might, I don't know, find something to do. I do have a cactus named Rupert. So that's something." As Motz has maintained the minimum 1.8 grade point average, she cannot be expelled from the school, though not for lack of trying says University Chancellor Dr. Loren Crabtree. "Quite frankly, nobody wants her here, or anywhere for that matter. I can't honestly say I have ever wished for the complete and utter banishment of another into oblivion, but, well, Tisha just... never say never, I suppose." Asked to comment, Tanya Motz, Tisha's mother stated "I'd hoped she'd just wander into the Chattahoochee so I wouldn't have to do no worrying about her again. She's just too damn lame to be worth it."
Conversation on Election Day:

John: Life would be vastly more pleasant if Republicans would observe that whole 'separation of church and state principle'.

Brandon: I don't know where you've been, but we do.

J:Ha! Ha ha! Funny. No. You don't.

B:Of course we do. We believe in the government as it's outlined in the constitution. We know the First Amendment.

J:You seem to believe in it like a parent believes in the tooth fairy: present the children with the illusion while knowing the truth all along. What you just said is bullshit.

B:I take offense at that.

J:That's unfortunate. One shouldn't take offense at the truth. I don't understand how a homo like you can defend the Republicans, much less be one.

B:Aren't liberals supposed to be tolerant of all viewpoints? Or does that not include conservatives and Republicans?

J:Look here, boyo, as it is right now, asking a gay man to tolerate the Republicans is like asking a Jew to tolerate the Nazis.

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"I felt better after I said it. A lot of my colleagues felt what I said badly needed to be said."
-Vice President Dick Cheney,
June 25, 2004


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Last Updated November 21, 2004